and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
