I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
