dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
