I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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