the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
