Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
