It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
