Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
