I wish my penis had an off switch
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
