she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
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