Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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