I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
