porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
