i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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