so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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