booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
