You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
