Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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