$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
