just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
