conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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