i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
