and you said cock pushups were impossible
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
