My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
