You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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