ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
