just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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