dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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