Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
