Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
