I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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