someone owes me an orgasm
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
