we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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