My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
