yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
