Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
