I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
