You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
