Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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