I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
