Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
