and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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