I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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