dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
