Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
did you just send me my own nude
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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