She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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