Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
