i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
