I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize