The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
