Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
50% drunk capacity currently
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
