u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
