Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
