Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
