Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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