Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
