i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
ttyl tear gas
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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