I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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