I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
