so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
