I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
