I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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