roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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