Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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