i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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