you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Randomize
