my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
